Falling Back Together
by NovaSkye
Summary: Natsu almost dies and Lucy decides to call their partnership quits for fear of losing him in the future. Love makes her run, but the chance of death would never outweigh his need to have her in his life. Natsu lets her go, despite his feelings, throwing them into a life where they struggle to live without each other. NaLu.
1. Dreaming

**Falling Back Together**

* * *

 **Chapter 1 | D** **reaming**

* * *

 **March, X795**

 _"Wake up!" In the rush to get to Natsu's side Lucy slipped on the blood pooling around his body. The momentum flung her across Natsu's stomach and she broke her fall by placing her hands out in front of her. Her hands splashed into the widening puddle of blood, causing it to splatter across the floor and all over her face and upper body. There was blood everywhere, it seemed like there was too much to have come from just one person—it was making her nauseous. She clung to her partner shaking his shoulders to try and wake him. She knew, but couldn't accept it yet. He wouldn't open his eyes, he wouldn't smile his goofy grin, and his skin would forever remain cold to the touch. He was missing fingers, had long deep cuts across his neck, chest, and stomach, bones poked through the skin at his legs, and it looked like some had started to peel the skin away from his face. His mangled body wouldn't move again, but Lucy couldn't stop trying to wake him. It was all her fault. They were supposed to get out together. "NATSU!"_

Lucy had thrown her covers off the bed and run to the front door of her apartment before she even realized she awake. Slowly, reality came back to her and she looked around her apartment fearfully. She thought she heard walking in her apartment, but quickly determined it was only the sound of her heart pounding furiously. Somewhere in the back of her mind she remembered that Natsu hadn't barged into her house last night and crawled into her bed. He almost always stopped by to hang out even if he didn't stay over. Why hadn't he come over? The bloodied imagery from the nightmare flashed in her mind and the fear welled up inside her just as strongly as it had in the dream. A ghostly feeling of his unnaturally cold skin still plagued her fingertips. She felt something was wrong. Needing to see him, she threw on her silk robe and stepped into her shoes.

Walking in the fresh air only made her more unsettled. The longer she had to be awake without seeing him, the more she believed that something happened. By the time she burst through his unlocked front door she had convinced herself that she had that dream for a reason.

Natsu sat up instantly, ready to attack whoever had broken into to his home even though he was still half asleep. His nose registered Lucy faster than his eyes could start functioning normally again. "Lucy?" he whispered, so as not to wake Happy sleeping on the couch, "What's wrong?" He lit a candle on an opposite side of the room with his magic.

Lucy tried to navigate through the absolute mess that was his house, but her panicked steps and the poor lighting caused her to stumble over some kind of wooden toy. She reflexively shifted her weight to her other steady foot, but then immediately tripped over a set of weights in trying to move again. Natsu had already slipped off his hammock and got to her in time to save her from crashing into a table. She started sobbing into his bare chest and wrapped her arms around him so tightly that had the situation been different he would have complained about her cracking his ribs.

"Natsu! I'm sorry, I- I just had t-to see y-you," Lucy could barely get out her sentence.

"Whoa! It's alright, calm down. I'm right here. Are you hurt?" She shook her head to say 'no', but he pulled her face back to check for himself. He looked her up and down and sighed in relief once he saw nothing wrong. Now came the problem of figuring out what the hell was going on with her.

He lifted her up and navigated the mess with ease to set her down on the couch. When she didn't let go of his neck, he softly said, "Let me move Happy. I'll be right back I promise."

Natsu hastily picked up Happy, pushed his dresser back up straight against the wall, and put Happy into the drawer the cat frequently slept in. Happy opened his eyes, but settled down immediately and snuggled next to the fish stuffed animal already there. Natsu slid the drawer mostly closed to try and block out as much sound as possible so Happy could stay asleep. He almost tripped himself in a rush to get back to Lucy who was still crying on his couch. "What's going on?" He threw some stuff from the couch she was on to his other one so he could sit next to her.

"I had a dream that you, that you-" Lucy blubbered as she tried to wipe her tears away and calm down. She couldn't say it. "I thought something bad happened...Can I sleep with you?" she said so quietly that Natsu almost wasn't sure he heard her correctly.

"Uh, sure," he breathed deeply in an attempt to calm himself down from the scare he just had. He laid down with his back against the couch cushion and pulled her down to lay in front of him. The couch seemed a bit too small for two people to sleep on, but his hammock was even smaller. Her head rested on his arm and his other arm was wrapped around her shaking body. He pulled her close to him, so her back was firmly against his chest and he rubbed her arm soothingly telling her that everything was fine. Five minutes later the tears subsided and he propped his head up with his elbow. Natsu playfully bit her ear lobe.

In a panic Lucy rolled away from him and onto the floor. "What are you doing?!" she shivered.

"Just seeing if you are still awake," he said with a playful smile.

"Why are you such a pervert?" Lucy said and rubbed her ear fiercely trying to make the tingling sensation go away.

"Whoa you don't have to sound so annoyed." Natsu sat up, crossed his legs, and looked down at her. "Besides you were the one to break in here and beg to sleep with me." Lucy shot him a death glare and he put his hands up defensively, "Just saying."

"I did not!" Lucy got up on her knees and slammed her hands down on the couch cushion on either side of his knees. She made sure to keep a fierce amount of eye contact.

"It's okay Luce," he responded with a knowing grin and a demeaning pat on the head.

"I don't even know why I was worried about you being hurt! Next time I dream about you dying, I'll wake up relieved."

He stopped purposely trying to make her mad now that he finally got her to open up. He placed his hands on her shoulders and spoke softly, "Hey, the only way I'm dying is if you strangle me okay?" Lucy looked away nervously. The way he looked at her in that moment felt more intense than Lucy was comfortable with. She couldn't begin to wonder about what he was thinking to give a look like that.

"Lucy, look at me," he said and she reluctantly obeyed. She saw determination had replaced that mysterious look he had just seconds ago.

"We can make it through anything. I'm not saying that things will always be easy, but believe me, nobody's dying on my watch," Natsu said, convincing Lucy that they would be safe.


	2. Falling Apart

**Chapter 2 | Falling Apart**

* * *

 **June, X795**

"Natsu..." Lucy watched her feet drag one in front of the other.

Countless people passed by on the busy streets, but no one cared to notice the girl traveling on autopilot. The only recognition of her existence was the usual "Don't fall in!" greeting when she walked by the river's edge, but Lucy didn't hear the man. She could only think of Natsu. Where was he? What was he thinking? He disappeared days ago, and not even Happy knew where he went. Ever since their conversation, she eagerly waited for him to reappear at the guild, just so she would know he was okay. However, day after day he failed to show and his continued absence made the guild antsy. Lucy felt far worse, she was terrified she would never see him again. The guilt and loss began to suffocate her. As she unlocked her apartment door, Lucy decided she wouldn't even go in tomorrow. Lucy didn't have the disposition to have her hope crushed on yet another day. She didn't bother wiping her tears away.

Lucy walked into her apartment, yet again feeling the heartache of her home's emptiness. She left the door unlocked, perpetuating another foolish delusion that Natsu would suddenly waltz through and jump on her bed. Her stomach twisted when she saw a bump under the covers wadded up on her bed. No matter how much she wished for Natsu to be there she knew the bump was merely her blankets. She ripped them from the bed and tossed them to the ground.

They would never fight for her covers in the middle of the night again. She wouldn't wake up in the morning with his eyes lazily watching her or to the sound of him working out like he did early in the mornings. His cheerful laugh wouldn't make her feel better when she grumped around the kitchen waiting for her coffee to brew. Their days of going on missions were over. She wouldn't get to beat him up when he stole her novel and pretended to read it.

Lucy stared up at the ceiling torn between wanting to take back everything she said that day at the hospital and knowing that she made the right decision.

Sleep didn't come to her, she rather preferred it that way. Nightmares have haunted her since this whole disaster began.

Lucy clutched her pillow to her chest and sobbed. Whenever she fell asleep she saw him. Dead. Not the way she had seen him in a nightmare so many months ago, but how he looked when it happened for real. Lucy never imagined she would actually feel his body cold from death nor did she think she would cry over his body begging him to stay alive. Natsu had promised her he would be safe.

That dream from so long ago was nothing compared to how it actually felt to be there, to live in that moment when his heart stopped beating. He was dead for three entire minutes until she resuscitated him. His face had gone pale, his skin lost its radiating warmth, he was covered in blood, and she had never been more terrified in her life. In those sadistically long moments while he laid motionless, she felt an overwhelming sense of loss like she had felt when her mother passed away. She could still see him like that, feel his blood all over her hands, arms, and clothes.

Though he was alive, Natsu was now non-existent in her life. The fear that drove her away from him initially waned, and a feeling of loss similar to that of holding his dead body in her arms crept into her mind. She wasn't supposed to feel loss like this with him still alive. Living apart from him was harder than Lucy thought possible, but Natsu made it clear that they would consider themselves dead to each other. After all, it's what she said she wanted. Or was it?

No matter how hard she tried to stop the conversation from playing over and over again in her head she couldn't escape it. Lucy cringed and threw her pillow by the blankets strewn on the floor. She tucked her knees to her chest trying to think about anything else, but the mental rehearsal of the event started regardless of her efforts to block it out.

* * *

 **Flashback to May, X795  
**

When Natsu had recovered enough to stay awake for more than an hour, Lucy sat down by his bed in Magnolia Hospital and tried to be as unemotional as she could manage. "I don't want to be your partner anymore." Her voice betrayed her by cracking, but she looked at him resolutely.

Natsu's grin from seeing her enter the room fell instantly. He stared at her like she had slapped him in the face. Feeling the urge to cry at his hurt expression, Lucy stood to leave. If she cried, he would comfort her and make everything seem okay, and it wasn't.

"Wha- Lucy stop!" He shot up from the bed and grabbed her wrist, Lucy saw him wince and press a hand against his bandaged abdomen that Wendy was unable to heal.

"What do you mean you don't want to be my partner?!"

She sat beside him on the bed so he wouldn't struggle and hurt himself even more. The window became her safe haven from the betrayed look in his eyes. "We had a lot of fun together, but I'm ready to move on. The truth is that I'm tired of being around you," she said.

"Bull shit!" Natsu growled and Lucy tried to move away, but his rough hand still gripped her wrist tightly. "What's this really about?" he demanded, but she refused to look at him until he called her name aggressively, "Lucy!"

"There's nothing else to say. I'm just done." Lucy shrugged indifferently.

"No you're not! Give me a reason, why are you saying this?" He grabbed her shoulder to make her look at him.

She moved her eyes towards him. Big mistake. He looked scared, hurt, abandoned, and every emotion that made Lucy want to make everything better or run away and never look back.

"You died in my arms!" she cried out before she could prevent it from slipping past her lips.

His expression softened slightly. "But I'm alive now! What's the big deal?!"

What was the big deal? Lucy truly didn't understand how he could be so dense.

"Your face was pale, your hands were freezing, your blood... there was so much." Lucy hiccuped and stared at her hands. "I scrubbed my hands and arms for hours. It wouldn't go away!" Lucy brought her hand to her face and wiped away a tear threatening to fall. In matter of seconds her composure would completely shatter, she had to get out of the room fast.

She felt his grip loosen and watched as his hand moved to grasp hers. "Luce-" There was that voice, the one that made everything seem alright. "No!" Lucy ripped her hand from his and stood up. "It's all my fault. If you hadn't saved me, you wouldn't be covered in bandages right now." Her voice quivered at the end of her sentence.

"I got hurt because I underestimated him! It's _not_ your fault."

"You say that...but I got- no I _get_ in the way! I mean, how many times have you had to save me? I'm not letting you die because I can't protect myself!"

"TOO BAD!" Natsu shouted and slammed his fist against the wooden head board. Lucy yelped and covered her face from the wood shards that flew in multiple directions. "I'm not going anywhere! Go ahead cry, scream, beat me up-like HELL I'm letting you run away because of a close call."

"Shut up!" she screamed, but he continued to yell, "I get scared too, but that doesn't mean I get to hide away like a little kid!"

"Natsu please stop!" She covered her ears, but his voice permeated her hands.

"We've been a team for years. Do you really expect me to let you go when you give me some stupid excuse that you're afraid of me dying? I thought you were stronger than that!"

"I'm asking you to stop!"

"You should know by now I'm strong enough to keep both of us safe, so don't try to pass this off as you wanting to protect me. If you truly care about me you wouldn't do this!"

"How dare you! You don't even know what you're talking about. You couldn't even begin to comprehend how hard this is for me!" Lucy fell back into the visitor's chair and sobbed. This was not how she wanted this conversation to go. "I haven't felt anything so painful since losing my mother! I'd rather be dead than have to go through it a third time! So what if I'm scared? You've lost people you love, why don't you understand?! What about Igneel, don't you remember how it felt?"

His anger dissipated and he ripped out his IV so he could drop to his knees in front of her. Natsu grabbed her hands softly and brought them away from her face. When she met his gaze she was shocked to see he looked close to tears. Almost as soon as she noticed though, he regained his composure fast enough to make her wonder if she actually saw it correctly.

"Of course I remember, that's why I know I don't want to lose you too," he said tenderly as he wiped away the tears on her face with his thumb. Lucy sobbed again. "You and Happy are all I've got. I mean, I have the guild, but you two are everything to me. The chance that I will die isn't enough to make me give up on our team. You belong with us. If you leave the team," his voice caught in his throat, "if you leave, who's to say you won't just stop being with us all together."

She started crying harder and wrapped her arms around herself. Why didn't he understand without her having to actually say it?

"I'm not as strong as you Natsu," she swallowed, "I can't be with you knowing that it's all going to end abruptly one day. I can't have you breaking into my apartment, or sneaking into my bed, or walking home with me. I can't have all these feelings I have for you. Who's to say you won't die in a week, or a month. We've never defined this relationship we've had, and I was okay with that, but now whatever you would call this has to stop."

"Oh." He let go of her face and let his back fall against the bed frame. "You meant you didn't want to be with me at all." For the first time in the conversation, Natsu couldn't look at her. Lucy was at a loss for words. Something rolled off her tongue eventually, but she didn't know what she was saying. "I'm still in Fairy Tail, we'll see each other at least, even if we don't hang out like we used to-"

"No," he said simply.

"No?" the question barely escaped her lips.

"When you see me there...If you love me like you say...you will leave me alone," he felt his throat close up, "I don't mean if I'm with Erza and the rest, they're your friends too. I'll be normal with everyone, but with just us...stay away." Natsu lifted his gaze from the blood seeping through the bandages around his abdomen to the window. "If you want to take the coward's way out, then you go right ahead, but don't expect that things between us will go back to normal. You can't ask me to treat you as a casual acquaintance when I love you so much." He didn't cry even though he wanted to, Natsu was determined to give Lucy the clean break she wanted.

It took Lucy a while to find her voice, "I don't want it to go that far, you know how much you mean to me."

"Do I?" He looked at her like a hurt animal might, in pain and prepared to lash out. The look scarier than any look she had ever seen him give.

She went to the floor and grabbed his hand desperately. "Natsu please don't be like this! I love you so much, that why-"

"Yeah I know, that's why I should go away. Just, why did you wait so long? You should have abandoned me sooner, saved us both the trouble."

"You can't mean that! The moments we shared are the happiest ones in my life, I would never want to miss experiencing them. I know they mean something to you too."

"They meant enough to fight for you, to be with you even if there was a chance either of us could die. The fear of losing you could never win against my need to have you by my side, because that's how much _I_ love you." He stopped and the two sat in silence. His words hung languidly in the air. After some time he spoke again. "Tell me now if you want me to stay and I will. If not, then there has to be a clean break. You can't cut me out and try to keep me around. It will only make it harder for both of us."

Lucy went numb and just stared at him as he resumed his gaze out the window. There was a beautiful yellow bird nesting right on a branch in front of the window.

"Natsu," Lucy hesitated.

"You should go," he said and Lucy flinched at the coldness of his voice.

"Let me at least help you back into bed." She got her legs under her and stood right beside him.

"I'm fine," he stated simply enough to make Lucy get angry. It wasn't safe for him to sit on the floor with his re-opened wound.

"I see you bleeding." She tried to reach for him, but he swatted her hand away. "Kami! Just fucking go already."

Lucy grabbed his arm roughly, lifted him up, and practically threw him at the bed. "I'm sorry alright! I know you hate me now, but I'm not letting you bleed out onto the floor!"

Lucy saw he was clearly shocked by her violent actions, but what was more noticeable was how fragile he looked. Like if she so much as touched him again, he would break apart. She stared into his sad eyes. He stared back.

It was natural, as if he had done it a hundred times. With a tug of her hand, she stumbled towards him and she watched silently as he lifted a hand to tuck some stray hair behind her ear. He leaned forward like he always used to when he kissed her, but at the last moment he stopped. "I'll never hate you. Our time together might be over, but you're still family. Goodbye Lucy."


	3. Normalizing

**Chapter 3 |** **Normalizing**

* * *

 **June, X795**

Lucy's courage to go back to the guild diminished with every additional day she stayed home. Over the last two weeks she had gone a couple times to make a point to everyone that she was okay, but she couldn't bring herself to keep walking through those guild doors. Apparently sometime during her recent five day absence from the guild, Natsu had returned from where ever he ran off to. Mira had stopped by to let her know, but Lucy didn't make any comment suggesting that she cared.

After two more days, she found herself lying on her stomach with her face to the floor. Among the hundreds of thoughts going through her head, a particularly morbid realization came to her— if she allowed herself to feel any worse, then she would be better off dead. The idea that she would give up so completely shocked her back to reality. Lucy had her time to cry, be sad, and feel sorry for herself. Now she had to get back to work and see all her friends before they broke down her door to check on her. She got ready and headed out to the guild prepared for whatever life would throw at her.

She walked into the guild, head held high and layers of makeup under her eyes. She made a beeline for the request board, picked the easiest job there and told Mira, who welcomed her back cheerfully like nothing was amiss. Lucy went to sit with Gray, Erza, Wendy and Charla who also acted as if nothing happened. Lucy silently thanked everyone for not making a big deal out of her "break-up". Though Lucy never thought of her relationship with Natsu as something conventional enough to use that kind of term. It felt good to get back to the guild and see the others. Everything almost seemed normal. Somewhere during their conversation, Gray mentioned Natsu's return and everyone at the table shot him a dirty look then cast a worried glace at Lucy. "It's alright. I was actually going to ask how he was doing." Lucy laughed nervously, but the sudden attention made her feel like running back to her covers.

"You should take a look for yourself." Gray nodded his head and looked straight past her. Lucy cautiously turned around to see Natsu heading toward the request board with Happy flying right behind. A weight fell on her chest. She couldn't breathe. Simply seeing him again made her heart start beating erratically.

"Aww man, someone took that aquarium request!" Happy started whining and flew around in circles when he saw the flyer missing.

Lucy looked down at her flyer. She casually flipped it face down on the table hoping no one else saw.

"Well it hardly paid anything anyway. Let's do this one." Natsu ripped a page off the board and went to the bar. He talked with Mira for a bit, then began walking to the table where Lucy sat with her heart pounding out of her chest.

Lucy felt tempted to hide under the table, but restrained. "Hey guys!" Natsu smiled and even glanced at Lucy without even a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.

"Natsu," Erza spoke coolly in a way that made him cringed.

"Yes?" he said cautiously.

"Is that the Lukata request?"

Natsu looked down at his flyer. "No..."

"You should bring someone along. The request seems simple, but it's in a dangerous area."

"Nah, I'll be fine. I've done three jobs in the last two days with almost the same description, it will be easy!"

"Gray go with him." Erza said resolutely and looked at Natsu, daring him to refuse her.

Gray slammed his hands down on the table. "Why do I gotta go with him?! The moron's fine to go by himself."

"No way in hell is he coming along! Over my dead body!" Natsu yelled at not one in particular. Natsu then grabbed Gray's coat collar, "And who are you calling a moron, ice-princess?"

Gray pushed Natsu's arms away and ripped off his coat. "You better shut that mouth of yours before I shut it for you."

"Go ahead and try, stripper."

Lucy couldn't take her eyes away from Natsu. Whatever he did during his disappearance from the guild must have really worked. He acted exactly the same as before, smiling, yelling, and picking fights. If she didn't know him better, she would have thought he were perfectly fine. But he couldn't be, right? Shouldn't he at least seem a little sad? Lucy didn't understand. She had been, and continued to be, absolutely miserable. To make it worse, he had already worked three jobs in the couple days she had to stay home because she couldn't pull herself together. She felt her eyes begin to sting. After having such a strong bond for years, he had gotten over her in a matter of weeks. It was only decent to show some emotion, as if he missed her, yet here he had resumed his normal life while she could barely function.

Lucy quietly stood up from the table and backed away. Natsu, Gray, and Erza continued their fight while ignoring Wendy's attempts at diffusing the situation. The only one not partaking in the lively activities was Happy. For the first time that day, Lucy saw sadness look her way. Happy stared at her with big, watery eyes, and she stared back feeling the urge to break down into tears. Happy looked as miserable as she felt. Lucy wondered why Happy would be upset after seeing how perfectly fine Natsu was. She didn't stay to find out. Lucy snuck away and headed to the guild's back door.

Natsu knew immediately when she was out of audible and visible range, and instantly stopped fighting. Erza and Gray stopped throwing punches and commands as soon as they realized he no longer responded. They looked for Lucy and saw that she had left. A somber tone fell over the group. Natsu sat down at the table and rested his head on his arms. Pretending wasn't going to work for him.

"It will be okay Natsu." Natsu heard Wendy's small voice and felt her pat his shoulder. He seriously doubted that.

Lucy ran home. Her heart beat pounded in her ears, her vision was blurred from the tears, and her legs felt like lead, but she ran until she crashed through her apartment and made it to her bed. Deep down she knew he cared, and this was his way of coping, but she hated feeling as unimportant as a complete stranger.

"Araaagghh! I hate you Natsu!" Lucy punched the pillow on her mattress, "How can you just be fine? I haven't slept in three days and I can hardly even eat! I miss you so much I can't stand it. Couldn't you at least show me something so I know I'm not alone in this? Natsu..."


	4. Unhinging

**Chapter 4 | Unhinging  
**

* * *

 **August, X795**

Lucy opened the door to her apartment with a sigh. Another day Natsu ignored her completely. The first time it had been a shock, but over the weeks she grew accustomed to the clenching pain in her chest every time she saw him or when he treated her like nothing had ever happened between them. Lucy changed into her pajamas and sat on her bed.

A blue ball of fur suddenly flew towards her face. "Lucy!" Lucy pried Happy from her face and held him out in front of her. Surprisingly Happy, not Natsu, had been the only one to act like she truly didn't exist. She would rather deal with Natsu's bull shit ' _I see you, and will sneak glances at you, but I'm still going to ignore you_ ' than be treated like an invisible person. Lucy figured Happy had just sided with Natsu, but that didn't explain why he was here now and getting snot all over her hands. "Don't push me away!" Happy bawled and tried to get close to hug her again.

"What's wrong Happy?"

"I snuck away from Natsu to see you! He'd be mad if he knew. I miss you so much! Please come back to us!" Lucy cradled him to her chest for a few moments then placed him in front of her on the mattress. "I'm sorry I can't." In the time they spent together, Happy had started to feel like her responsibility too, so being initially being rejected by him stung a bit more than she had expected.

Happy crawled to her knee and hugged her. "Why not?! Nothing is the same anymore. I miss breaking into your house and eating your food, and making you react like a crazy person, and I miss playing with you, and sleeping with you and Natsu, and everything! Natsu's so sad he's barely eating. All he's been doing is training and taking job requests. He's going to burn out. He was so exhausted on the last mission he just fell off this massive cliff. He's completely reckless and will get himself killed."

Poor Happy, Lucy didn't really think about how splitting up with Natsu would affect him. "It's complicated."

"That's what he said, but I don't understand why. He loves you and you love him and I love both of you, so why can't we be a family anymore?"

Lucy felt sorry for him, he deserved to hear her side at least. "I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"Of losing him. You weren't there Happy. He probably told you that he died briefly, but he didn't say what is was like sitting over his body. He rescued me from danger, and it ended up killing him. If I continue to stay around him and get in his way it will put him in danger. He's going to get himself killed if I stay with him. Outside of the partnership I didn't want to stay together, because...I'm a coward. I want to be with him, and I love him so much, so if something happened... I just can't live through that loss again."

"But he's not alive now! At the guild he seems normal, but at home he hasn't even smiled since you two fought. He's trying to stay strong for you, but he's not going to be able to keep this up forever. You might think he's been getting better, but we're losing him!"

"I think you are over exaggerating a little."

"I'm not! I dare you to come over to look for yourself!"

"Well I-"

"And how is this any different than him dying? You hardly see him, you never talk to him, you don't know what jobs he goes on, if he died right now, your life would be the exact same as it is now‼ So why don't you spend this time with him when he's here?"

"It will get easier in time."

"You think you will just stop caring with time? Even after all this time, neither of you are getting better. You are the same and Natsu's getting worse. We all need each other. Come to the house and see! Just see. He needs you! I need you!"

Happy pulled at Lucy's hand, and Lucy felt herself follow after the blue cat. "Happy this isn't going to help."

"I don't care, you need to see."

Lucy grabbed her robe on the way on and slipped on her shoes. "If we try to fix things now, then all the work we've put into getting over each other is going to be wasted. We've already made it through the hardest part."

Happy didn't listen as he picked Lucy up and flew off towards his place the moment they set foot outside.

"Don't make any noise or he will hear you." Happy said quietly once the house came into view.

"He's going to smell me anyway, there isn't really a use in hiding."

"He's kind of...distracted. He won't notice."

Lucy shut her mouth and readied to land on the ground in front of the house. Happy gestured for her to move around the side of the building. She quietly moved with her back against the wall and prepared herself for what she might see. She could hear repetitive thuds and deep grunts. She peeked around the corner of the house and was met with a beautiful display of the setting sun's rays filtering through the forest. The sound of a loud crack carried her eyes to a large tree on its descent to the earth.

"Dammit, I liked that tree!" Natsu yelled over the sound of rustling leaves and breaking branches as the tree crashed to the ground.

The entire tree went up in flames suddenly. The bright light and intense heat waves made Lucy and Happy hide behind the house for protection. When the heat dissipated, she looked around again to see Natsu for the first time. He was shirtless with bloody fists, a heaving chest, and had sweat pouring off his body. He stood pounding his fist down on the top of the stump that remained after the tree fell. The break was jagged and the wood cut right through his hands, but it didn't look like he cared. She wanted to run over to him, but she froze at the sound of his voice.

"Why does this have to happen?" Natsu turned and started punching the nearest standing tree. "If you were just stronger she could have stayed with you. If she felt like you could protect her, you would have been happy. But here you are, still a weakling. No wonder she wanted nothing to do with you." The new tree split down the middle and Natsu cursed, "Shit!"

Lucy watched him throw his tantrum for a solid minute only managing to hear some of the things he grunted. She heard the expletives and him curing her out a couple times while throwing fire around. Lucy looked over to Happy who starred on sadly.

"Natsu stop!" Lucy came out from behind the house and walked to where Natsu was destroying his backyard. The sound of her voice caused him to halt mid swing at a new tree. He slowly turned around to see her standing right in front of him.

* * *

 **A/n: I just wanted to say it's really encouraging to have so many people review, favorite, and follow my story. I hope you guys continue to enjoy the story as it progresses. Thank you so much for the support!**


	5. Hurting

**Chapter 5 | Hurting  
**

* * *

"What the hell are you doing here?" Natsu demanded and seemed to tower over her. Lucy held her ground even though anger, insanity, and bitterness radiated from him.

"I heard you were being stupid and reckless." Lucy hadn't been so close to him in a month. She felt her heart pounding out of control. The fact that she knew he could hear it made it even worse.

"Like it's any of your concern. Go away, I'm training."

"No you're not. You're just beating on defenseless trees and hurting yourself."

"You tryin' to pick a fight with me?" Natsu put a not so friendly hand on her shoulder. "Because you really don't want to." He let the full weight of his hand rest on her shoulder and she had to expend some effort to stand up straight.

"I just want you to stop acting hysterical."

He narrowed his eyes and growled at her, but Lucy continued. "If this were just affecting me then I would let it go, but," Lucy looked back at Happy, still hiding behind the house, and continued, "You are scaring Happy. This isn't just hard on you, think about him. I know how you feel, but you need to find a different way of dealing with your problems!"

"You have no idea how I feel!" Natsu ripped his arm off her shoulder and the flames burning around the area flared. Lucy screeched, put her hands over her face, and pulled away. She recovered and got in his face.

"I know how miserable this is, how lonely it feels, how unbearable the pain in my chest is when I see you. Sometimes we'll share a brief moment of eye contact and this rush of emotion reminds me how much I still want you, but knowing that you won't be mine crushes me. I wake up some mornings thinking you are right beside me, but then there is just this heart wrenching emptiness."

"I don't have to listen to this," he said and turned away.

"Natsu I love you so much. It's killing me to be apart like this, and now to see you are losing it..."

"It's you! _You're_ the one making me lose it. Every time I think I might be okay, I walk through the guild doors you are there. Your smell is all over my house, every mission I go on I always think I hear your voice, I can't get away from you."

"Well what do you want me to do!?" Lucy screamed at him. "I don't know what to do, how to feel better, how to help you." She started towards him and he stepped back. She tried again and reached out an arm but he pushed it away angrily.

"You're the one who rejected what we had. You shouldn't be here crying about it."

"Natsu," Lucy sobbed and dropped to the ground landing next to a patch of grass still on fire. "I'm sorry. I really thought it would be better." Her robe caught fire at the edge next to the flames. Neither of them noticed. When she crawled up next to him he didn't move away again.

"I made a mistake. I want things to go back to the way they were." She wrapped her arms around his legs.

Natsu started to walk away, but she held on tighter. "Please don't leave yet!" She pressed her face to his legs.

"I'm just trying to do what you wanted. You're not being yourself right now," Natsu said emotionally unattached.

Lucy shrieked in pain and pulled away when she felt fire creep up onto her leg. They both looked to see that the bottom of her robe that rested on the ground had burned away and the fire had ate its way up to her leg. In a swift movement Natsu grabbed her hand to pull her up and used his other to rip the robe off of her body. It landed on top of the fire that initially caught it aflame. The fire spread over the silk and slowly ate it away.

Natsu was about to let go of her hand until he noticed a large blister on the back of her hand. "What is this?" Anger stirred inside him and he shoved her hand in front of her face. "Was this me?" He remembered seeing her put her hands up when he lost his temper earlier.

"It doesn't matter!" Lucy tried to pull her hand away to hide it. She would do anything to make that look of guilt disappear from his face.

"How can you tell me not to be reckless when you're with me like this? You should have gone away when I told you to!"

"I'm sorry!" She tried to pull away again and winced in pain.

"You didn't even notice your robe catch on fire. Are you trying to get yourself hurt?!"

"No! I just want to get through to you!"

Natsu pulled her into him and stared at her so angrily Lucy couldn't quell the fear building up in her. "Do you want me to hurt you? It would make it easier for you if I were the one in the wrong instead of you right?" he said darkly.

Lucy couldn't speak. She could only manage to shake her head back and forth. Natsu gently pulled her into an embrace with an exasperated sigh.

"I'm sorry. I know I need more control," he whispered into her ear, "but please don't be reckless. I need to know you will survive even when I'm not around."

Lucy nodded.

Natsu let her go and the pain in her leg made her fall back down to the ground. Natsu extinguished the flames around them.

"Go home Lucy," Natsu turned away from her numbly, "and don't come back again. For both our sakes." He set off into the wood leaving behind a sobbing Lucy.

Happy came over to Lucy and picked her up to fly her home. "I'm sorry…I thought that if you two just talked…" Happy trailed off and started crying too. They didn't say anything on the way back to her house, but when he dropped her back off he sat next to her on the bed. Lucy had laid down and pulled the covers over her body. "You should be with Natsu," Lucy pet Happy on the head lovingly, "I think he needs somebody more than I do."

"But you're crying."

Lucy took a deep breath to steady her voice, "I do it a lot anyway, don't worry," she paused then spoke up again, "Thank you for bringing me to him. I know all we did was fight, but," Lucy put her pillow over her face and sobbed into it, "That's the most we've said since being in the hospital. I missed him so much. It was so nice just to have him look at me the way he used to, even if it was for only a moment," her voice was mumbled by the pillow, but Happy still understood. "Please go be with him, I'm worried he might hurt himself. I hope he knows that I never stopped loving him."

"He never stopped either," Happy said as he left to go back home.

* * *

Happy flew through the night sky feeling so heavy that he might drop down to the surface. There was no doubt that Lucy had it bad, but Natsu was worse off. Happy had seen Natsu in mourning and go through bouts of depression, but never had Natsu shown such a dark side. Natsu would say scary things and threaten to do others. On missions he was unnecessarily brutal and if he was reckless before, he was now crazy. It was so unlike Natsu, Happy had no idea how he could help him out of it. As Happy flew back home he saw Natsu sitting in a circle half a mile in diameter of scorched earth.

Natsu saw Happy flying above him, but he made no move nor sign of recognition when he landed in front of him. He couldn't believe that Happy would go behind his back and get Lucy, but then again Natsu had embraced her again when he believed he never would. Talking with her again made him the happiest he'd been since that day at the hospital. She looked sad, though not much worse than how she appeared at the guild. Natsu knew she was having a hard time, and while it made him miserable to catch her staring at him with sad eyes he was glad that she still couldn't move on. Just maybe if she were sad enough she would change her mind for real and things could return to normal. She couldn't come back to him like she just did though. As much as he wanted her back, he wouldn't accept her unless she was acting rationally.

"How could you bring her here?" Natsu said, expending all the energy he had to remain calm when Happy approached him.

"I thought you two could work things out if you just…" Happy stopped talking when Natsu stood up and started to walk away.

"Things can never be the way they were." Natsu's last words haunted him as he walked past his scorched land back into the forest. Happy fell back and sat on the ground helplessly.

Natsu wanted out of this whole situation. He could leave Fairy Tail, maybe he could be happy again if he never had to see her face again. He couldn't believe Lucy clung to his legs like that. Crying and pleading with him, saying the things he had wanted to hear for so long. Natsu pinched the bridge of his nose to keep himself from letting tears escape.

Natsu circled back to Happy and picked him up and placed him on his head. "Come on buddy. I know you were just worried about me. Sorry for being like that."

"Lucy said she never stopped loving you."

"I know."


	6. Losing You

**Chapter 6 | Losing You**

* * *

 **Flashback to May, X795**

It had taken them two hours of hiking through dense forest to reach the base of the mountain and another hour to climb the steep cliff to the top. Far at the top lived the dangerous monster that guarded a treasure stolen from the most powerful family in the nearby city. The team's mission was simple: slay its guardian and retrieve the item. Legend had it that this giant, canine-like monster had once been a powerful mage until he stole the item the team committed to retrieve. A curse fell upon the mage and turned him into a beast, confined to the mountains where the treasure had been hidden. Countless mages had tried and failed the mission, but the mages of Fairy Tail considered it to be just like any other mission. That is, until it was too late.

The sheer power of the monster had caught everyone off guard. No matter what attacks they used they barely made a scratch. The dark aura of the monster suddenly surged and Erza yelled for everyone to take cover. Natsu grabbed Lucy to shield her from the deadly swell of energy. The force sent them flying off to the south part of the island, while the rest of the group was scattered equal distances in different directions.

Natsu had laid unconscious with Lucy on top of him for a couple minutes until he came to. His head pounded and he wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he gently shook Lucy awake. "Lucy...wake up."

She groaned and pressed her face into his shoulder. "Imma let this slide now, but sneak into my bed again and I'm gonna kill you…"

He laughed and regretted it immediately as pain shot through his abdomen and back. Lucy heard him grunt in pain and snapped her eyes open. "Natsu?" She looked at her surroundings and then to the dragon slayer beneath her. "What happened?"

"We were hit by that attack. It looks like we were thrown pretty far away from where we were," he weakly pointed up to the mountain peak they had been fighting on.

Lucy slowly started to push herself up, but stopped moving immediately when she heard him suck in air painfully. Natsu saw the worry in her eyes and flashed his trademark smile when he recovered, "I'm fine, just a little bruised is all."

The lie was so obvious she felt compelled to roll her eyes. She refrained from doing so, but Natsu still knew what she was thinking. Neither said anything else on the matter. She gently pushed herself off him, and he spoke up again. "What about you?"

"I think I'm fine." Lucy said before glancing down to check just for his benefit. He glanced over her as well and their hearts stopped when their gaze fell upon a large blood stain on her shirt. "Lucy!" Natsu tried to sit up, but she stopped him. "I'm alright! Don't move." She looked to his black shirt and saw it soaked in a dark liquid. "You to stay still, I think you've been pretty badly injured."

"That's a relief," Natsu said as Lucy lifted his shirt to see the damage, "I thought you were really hurt."

The wound had started to bleed again without the pressure from her body being on top of him.

"It really doesn't hurt that much." He started to sit up, but she hastily pushed his shoulders back down. "Wait." She opened the small bag she brought with her and pulled out some bandages.

"Haha, I've had much worse than this. I told you I'm good."

"And I told you to wait." She effectively ended the argument and proceeded to bandage him up.

"Thanks," he smiled at her and grabbed her hand when reached out to him. She helped him to a sitting position. "It's all gonna come off when I kick that monster's ass though," Natsu said as confidently as he could manage and Lucy just rolled her eyes.

Natsu quickly forgot the pain he was in when he noticed the condition of Lucy's face and arms. She had tens of shallow lacerations along her arms like she had been cut with a knife. A very large bruise had already spread across her left shoulder and streak of blood had dried down the side of her face. The injuries had most likely resulted from falling through the trees and their rough landing.

"Luce, you said you weren't hurt." He frowned as he pushed her golden hair off her forehead to reveal an angry gash. He thought he had taken the brunt of the monster's blow and the fall, apparently not. As he tried to move again the pain came back full force and he was certain he had more than a couple cracked ribs. His leg was feeling oddly numb. The sight of his blood all over her was slightly unsettling as well. Natsu realized it wasn't crazy for Lucy to be so worried about him.

"I'm not, just some scrapes and bruises." Lucy reached with her left hand, to prevent him from noticing her shoulder injury, to gently grasp his calloused hand in hers. His eyes had betrayed all his concern when he had looked her over to access her injuries, but instead of seeing him relax she saw him get increasingly worried.

"Natsu, I'm alright," Lucy insisted.

"I wanted to make sure," he pouted.

"I know," she patted his head ever so slightly for fear of actually causing damage to what was normally an abnormally thick skull. Lucy stood up slowly and looked for shelter where they could safely recover in case the monster was nearby.

"Here let's get you under this tree." Lucy helped Natsu up carefully. Just when he seemed to get his footing, his leg muscles gave out and Lucy had to support his full weight on her right shoulder. He cursed under his breath and Lucy rushed to say something so he wouldn't get too pissed off about getting beat up.

"Geeze Natsu, how much did you eat at that buffet yesterday?!" She groaned and hunched over slightly for emphasis.

"I don't know, about as much as you I suppose," he said in a cheeky voice and Lucy stopped walking briefly. "Now what the _hell_ is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't hurt me," he whined and Lucy wanted to smile but she couldn't quite make it. ' _He can't even stand._ ' When she helped him up she had caught a glimpse of his back, and it made her arms look perfectly fine. His shirt was in tatters and exposed raw, deep cuts beneath. Lucy realized fearfully that the injury to his abdomen had been caused by a puncture through his back. She calmed her panic enough to move him, but the urge to cry slowly started to overtake her ability to stay in control. She couldn't stop thinking about how he was always protecting her at his own expense.

Before she laid him down again she patched his back as best she could. She sat beside him wordlessly, trying to think about what she needed to do next. Natsu suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled her down so that her head was resting on his chest and her body laid next to his. "I'm not dead, so quit looking at me like that." Lucy didn't say anything. She needed to get up and find Wendy. Natsu wouldn't have much time left like this. Lucy suspected the only reason he was still alive was because her body weight had pushed him against the ground just enough to prevent massive blood loss.

Natsu groaned again and pressed his hand over his abdomen. "Natsu?" Lucy looked down at his hand worriedly. She could see that blood had already soaked through the bandages. His breathing was labored and he seemed to be going pale.

"Natsu?" she called his name again, but he didn't respond.

She sat up on her elbow and tapped his face lightly. "Natsu!"

"Geeze, why are you shouting so much," he said slowly.

"Stay with me, Natsu." Lucy clung tightly to his body and pressed her face into his scarf. Her composure was just one more crack away from shattering.

"I'm with you Luce. I'll always be with you…" Natsu's voice faded out.


	7. Bantering

**Chapter 7 | Bantering**

* * *

 **Flashback to May, X795 Continued**

"Hey!" Lucy shouted. Natsu's breathing stopped and his pulse was non-existent to her fingertips. "Please." She wanted to be anywhere else but there, clinging onto his lifeless form and experiencing the immobilizing weight of loss settle upon her. "I need you Natsu," she spread her hand out against his chest, "you can't leave me here like this." It was all gone—no more fighting for blankets in the middle of the night, no more missions, no more laughs, no more intimacy, and no more living in his radiance.

She wasn't ready to lose him. She balled her hand into a fist. "You have to keep fighting!" She got to her knees and positioned her hands on his chest to start compressions. There was still a chance, she only had to keep him alive until someone found them. "Help!" Lucy shouted hoping one of her team members was nearby.

"Come on," she sobbed. Round after round of CPR passed by in what felt like hours with no one to show and no indication Natsu would recover. The blood on his chest caused her hands to slip intermittently, disrupting her rhythm. Rocks dug into her knees. Pain shot through her injured shoulder with every compression. "You promised me you would be safe. Don't you remember?" An agonizing three minutes passed, but she didn't give up. Neither did Natsu. She felt his chest rise and her fingers flew to his neck to find a pulse.

"Lucy! Natsu!" Lucy heard voices in the surrounding area. She stood to run to whomever it was, but her vision span and she crashed to the ground.

* * *

The hums and beeps of medical instruments drifted into Lucy's unconscious state. An image of Natsu repeatedly flashed in her mind causing anxiety to build up within her. Not knowing the reason for the anxiety nagged at her until she forced herself awake. When she awoke her vision was blurry, and in trying to sit up her body screamed at her in protest. It took her a couple moments, but she eventually could see Gray sitting in a chair three feet from her bed. Lucy moved her eyes to Wendy whose head rested next to her on the bed.

"Lucy!" Gray looked up from his hands.

"What happened?" Lucy croaked out. She tried to put everything together in her head, but she felt a haze in her mind that kept her from thinking properly.

"We got separated and the monster followed you two. We barely got there in time."

"Monster?" Lucy looked at Gray helplessly.

"We went to the mountain for a job," he paused when he saw no recognition in her eyes, "you don't know what I'm talking about do you?" Wendy started to move around at the sound of the talking.

"Sorry." Lucy tried to smile, but she felt her face pull awkwardly due to a bandage on her cheek. "It must have been pretty bad…for me to end up like this." She noticed Gray and Wendy had minimal injuries. "Is everyone else okay?" Her stomach pitched when a dark look flickered in his eyes.

"Lucy! You're awake! Thank goodness." Wendy was fully awake now and gripping Lucy's hand. "How do you feel? I tried to heal you as best as I could, but I couldn't manage everything at once."

Gray's look and lack of comment left her petrified, something terrible had happened. "Lucy?" Wendy finally made eye contact with her once Lucy snapped out of running through worst case scenarios.

"I think I will be able to manage. Thanks for taking care of me," Lucy smiled absently for Wendy.

Gray stood to leave and Lucy called out, "Wait! What happened?"

"I'm glad you're better. Get more rest." With that he was gone and Lucy didn't know what to make of his sudden exit. Gray's words repeated in her mind, ' _The monster followed you two…_ '

Lucy sat up instantly and Wendy jumped worriedly. "Lucy you shouldn't be moving around yet!"

"Where's Natsu!" Lucy demanded in a panic. "I remember!" she started crying, "I need to see him."

"It's really not a good idea!" Wendy tried to calm her down, but Lucy was already on the move.

"I'm going, you can't stop me." Lucy made it to the door of her room and reached a hand out to turn the knob. Though nothing was there she could see and feel blood all over her hand. She remembered the blood, the coldness of his body, the last breath he took, the moment his heart stopped, and the loss that made her feel like living from that moment onward would be impossible.

She stumbled down the hall frantically in no particular direction until Wendy ran up in front of her. "He's in there," Wendy said reluctantly and pointed to a door figuring that fighting would make her condition worse.

When her eyes fell over Natsu's body, she started sobbing and ran to sit in the chair right beside his bed. "Natsu!" She grabbed one of his hands and was met with warmth like she hadn't felt in years. His chest rose and fell peacefully, the natural color to his face had returned, and most of the superficial injuries had been healed. "You're okay." Lucy gripped the white sheets in her free hand and pressed her face into the mattress. "Dammit, you're such an idiot! I hate you."

* * *

Natsu felt something tugging at the sheets around his body. He tried to ignore the feeling, but then he started to hear someone's voice. Whoever was beside him was crying. Natsu struggled to open his eyes since the lighting in the room was so bright. When he finally emerged from his sleepy haze he looked to see Lucy crying into the mattress he was on.

Natsu frowned. He remembered very clearly what happened once Gray reminded him. Natsu knew he tried to see Lucy last time he woke up, but he vaguely remembered passing out from pain before he could even get out of bed. He had been awake a couple of times, but could never stay awake for more than a minute. He hated being so weak. More than that he hated hearing about how the team found Lucy trying to make his heart beat again.

"Luce," Natsu set a hand on her head.

At hearing his voice, Lucy started crying harder. She shook her head, rubbing her face into the mattress.

"Come here," he said sadly, upset with himself.

Lucy looked up at him with red, swollen eyes, and carefully crawled up next to him on the small bed. She laid her head on his shoulder and continued crying.

"I'm sorry I left you alone." Natsu fought to keep his emotions under control. Seeing Lucy so upset hurt him more than any injury he currently had.

"I was so scared." Lucy's voice was meek and unsteady.

"I know." More than anything Natsu wanted to make her stop crying. "I'm sorry." He didn't know what else to say. The two fell into silence as Natsu held Lucy in his arms. Eventually her sobs died down, but she continued to hold onto him like her life depended on it.

"You're really stupid, do you know that?" Lucy looked up at him angrily and brushed the tears from her face.

"So I've heard." Natsu laughed weakly and ran his fingers through her hair, "and you hate me too right?"

"Why are you laughing?!" Lucy flicked his nose.

"Ow!" Natsu covered his nose to keep it safe from further attacks. "I can barely defend myself. Don't pick on me~" Natsu whined.

"I'll do what I want after what you pulled." Lucy pulled his hand away, but he moved his head away to dodge her other incoming hand.

"It's not my fault!" Natsu snuck a hand under her arm and flicked her on the nose.

"Hey!" Lucy let go of his hand immediately and covered her own nose for protection. Natsu took that moment to restore his defenses over his own nose. They stared intensely at each other each with the bottom half of their face covered.

"What? Can't take what you dish out?" Natsu grinned and raised his eyebrows to get a rise out of her.

"I'll show you dishing out!" Lucy looped her arm around his and pulled it away from his face so that his hand could no longer cover his nose.

"What does that even mean?" Natsu looped his other arm around her like she just did to pull her hand away from her face. "You always say really weird things."

Lucy squirmed around to get out of his hold, but he was too strong. "Ugh, you're such a jerk." When she stopped trying to resist Natsu let her go and she crossed her arms over her chest with an irritated noise.

Natsu smiled and pulled her back down to lay beside him again. He shut his eyes enjoying the feeling of brushing his fingers along her bare back exposed by her hospital gown. The two continued arguing like they always did, and he couldn't be happier. The arguments soon turned into fits of laughter at how ridiculous and spastic they looked earlier trying to cover their noses. Eventually their conversations came to a lull as the two drifted asleep with her face pressing into his neck and his head resting on top of hers.

* * *

 **August, X795**

Natsu laid on his couch looking up at the ceiling, missing her like he had spent his youth missing Igneel. By closing his eyes he could imagine her lying next to him like she did that day at the hospital. The last day they experienced the love of being held close in each other's arms, of arguing playfully, of talking softly to each other, and of basking in the relief that they could continue living their lives together.

Natsu turned to his side and stared at a faraway table. He stood to retrieve a pen and piece of paper.

* * *

A/n: What is Natsu going to write? Find out next chapter! If you enjoyed, give this story some love with a review!


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